I wouldn't go into the woods today...

And the coup de grace.  That is a creepy poem and I think this is what it's about.

If you go down to the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise
If you go down to the woods today
You'd better go in disguise

ABCDEF3

Ok, so it's not dirty but we wanted something my husband could put in his office and thought it would be funny to teach kid's the alphabet wrong.  One person has ever noticed a problem with it and she knew about my "artwork."  ABCDEF3...HIKJLMNOQ...RRS..TUP..WXYVZ these are not my ABC's you probably shouldn't play with me.

Dog Fart Sluts

I got an email with the subject line "Dog Fart Sluts."

What does that mean! I thought I would save my computer by not clicking on the link to find out.

I decided this girl was probably a dog fart slut.

I should probably do a whole series of spam subject line cross-stitch.

The Fuck You Bears

This one was an anniversary gift to my husband. Not really, but I do refer to the bears with our names. Everyone knows "That's fine" means "Fuck you" in most good marriages. Seriously you can have this up in the middle of your living room and no one will ever notice or comment on it.

Best Friends

I believe "Best Friends" was the next creation. This one may take a couple of minutes to recognize what the picture is. I needed to create one for the boys after Special Moments.

Special Moments

So after Balls I started to get hooked on making these. Friends also started egging me on and helping with ideas. I always liked the peasant people patterns because the people were so simple and innocent looking. I decided I wanted to make a pattern with two peasant girls walking together holding hands with one carrying a big dildo. The clear title, Special Moments. I thought it was extra special if it was a big black dildo.

Balls

So it started with "I'm gonna CRAP in your mouth." We had this in a visible place in our home for many years and realized that no one had ever noticed it unless we pointed it out to them. I started to predict that Cross stitch was so innocuous in our lives that we don't actually see it. We recognize that there is a piece of cross stitch on the wall but we can't actually get our brains to look beyond that.

I then went on a long trip overseas and had picked up a cross stitch kit from a bargain bin that would keep me occupied for much of my year and a half stay. It was of various vegetables and herbs with their names printed underneath. Many of our Grandmothers would have had these in their kitchen as mine did. When I was close to finished my husband recommended that I add something to make it more interesting. This was a difficult decision as I had probably spent 30 - 40 hours working on this pattern. It is hard to potentially wreck something that you have spent that much time on. I realized that I would probably just give it away to someone since it was so boring anyway so I spiced it up. I have recently gotten this framed so the scan will probably be bad and only of one section. I will try taking a photo of the whole thing as well. I have specifically sent people over to look at it and find the mistake. It still took them a long time to find which one of these things is not like the others.

I think Cross stitch would be good for subliminal advertising.